Throughout your life you will meet women that you can walk away from and not think twice but then there is that one girl that just completely captures you and rocks your world. You will only have a few of these types of women enter your life but you have to remember that there is no such thing as a soul mate. Believing that there is one magical woman out there that is just for you is how a lot of guys get their heart broken, the term for it is “oneitis”. Hollywood perpetuates this problem with all of the cheesy dramas about the guy who over pursues a girl until she eventually falls for him, this doesn’t work in real life. Being constantly inundated with this narrative causes a lot of guys to act in a way that does more damage to a relationship than good, especially when a relationship is starting to go south.

When you are in a long term relationship, you are going to screw up, you’re going to have moments of weakness, it happens. Men are taught to believe this Hollywood narrative so they start trying to over-correct and become needy. Guy screws up, girl starts losing attraction, guy buys her flowers and smothers her, she loses more attraction, backs away and eventually the guy blows up on her or starts arguing. The majority of guys believe that a woman deals with her problems the same as men do, they start to try and solve the problems like they do with their guy friends or a broke down car, by using logic.

He starts to explain to her all of the things she is doing wrong, or tries to talk her into liking him again. As a man, this behavior is extremely hard to break when a relationship isn’t going well, especially if you are the problem solver type. Once things start down this road it needs to be corrected before both people begin seeing each other in a negative light, but you can’t solve the problems of the heart by using the brain. Sometimes it can’t be corrected and the relationship just continues the downward spiral, the guy becomes more and more attached to her and continues to smother her until she inevitably leaves or monkey branches to a new guy, the guy never sees it coming.

When you start to notice that she is losing attraction for you, your problem solving mind instinctively wants to try a do something, to act. The reality is that action does more damage. You need to mirror her actions and begin to back away yourself, attraction works like a game of tug of war. By continuing to smother her you are not giving her the space and the freedom to appreciate you. By backing away you are allowing her to miss you and decide on her own if she really wants it because if she doesn’t actually want it, it will make you unhappy as well as her in the long run.

Often times women will jump right back into the dating market and realize just how bad most men are anyway. As hard as it is to accept, if you are a high value man or at least moving in that direction she will start to see your value pretty quickly. I know it seems counter intuitive but the reality is that the only way she will ever provide what you need from a woman or truly love you is if she chooses you, you have to let her have the space to do that. If she ends the relationship you have to completely stop contacting her, it will undoubtedly be one of the hardest things you will ever do but YOU CANNOT reach out to her in any way.

This will give you the answer you are looking, if it’s truly over she won’t contact you, if there is still hope she will reach out. If she does happen to reach out to you it is important that you don’t immediately start to smother her or try to talk about relationship problems. At this point you want to make any and all interactions with her fun and playful, she needs to see you in a positive light. Plan a day to hangout and slowly work back up to building intimacy, don’t let her friend zone you and make it clear what you want from the relationship.

The only way to truly love someone is to let them be free, if you see that the relationship is failing you owe it to her to let her go. It is often the case that relationship problems arise because one person or the other doesn’t truly want to be with or value the other. The person who wants it to work ends up becoming so unhappy that they start hurting the other person emotionally as well as themselves or even become self destructive. If you know your true value then you know that if she doesn’t come back there are plenty of fish in the sea, besides a high value man deserves a woman who cherishes and respects him. If she doesn’t see your value then she isn’t going to treat you the way you deserve and it will eventually destroy you if you let it. Have respect for yourself and her, walk away and let her prove to you how she really feels.

Frederick Nietzsche once said: “The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything.”

He was so damn right.